The “Record” for the Loudest Fart Ever Reeks of Lies

The man who lays claim to the loudest fart ever might be full of sh*t.

Allegedly breaking wind at a deafening 194 decibels—which is like hearing a jet engine roar or a gun go off from earshot—the “world record” for the loudest far ever is not only undocumented but also only lasted ⅓ of a second.

Cutting the cheese that loudly and quickly would probably blast a turd through your pants. So, actually, this could’ve been the world record for the loudest shart ever.

But if you want to know how ear-splitting the loudest documented fart was, we’ll have to travel back over 50 years, when a resident of Flint, Michigan, actually ripped the fart heard ‘round the world.

The Loudest Fart Ever Recorded

On May 11, 1972, Paul Hunn farted for a staggering two minutes and 42 seconds. It was recorded at 118.1 decibels, which is like being front row at your favorite rock band’s concert. And if your favorite rock band is Led Zepplin, that fart lasted 16 seconds longer than the entire duration of “Immigrant Song.”

Maybe he could’ve recorded it and called it, “Fart Song” instead of letting this guy do it.

Who knows how many beans, broccoli, or potatoes Paul Hunn had to wolf down before he could rip ass that loud and for that long. But setting the world record for the loudest fart ever is still an impressive feat, nonetheless. He also tied the world record for the longest fart ever with this top-notch toot.

Why Are Some Farts Louder Than Others?

Passing gas is a rather accurate euphemism for farting. When you eat, your digestive system breaks down food into nutrients for your body to absorb or into waste to poop out. This process produces gas like oxygen, carbon dioxide, and methane—some of which flow into your colon. When enough of these gasses build up in your gut, your body releases them down below as a fart or up top as a burp.

It’s like your gut’s exhaust system.

When you let one loose, the only way out is obviously through your rectum. And the tightness of your anal sphincter during this release—along with the amount of gas built up inside your gut and how hard you push it out—determines the volume of your fart. So if you have a lot of gas, tighten your butthole, and push it out harder than a mother and her newborn baby, your fart could rupture an eardrum.

If you only have a little bit of gas, relax your butthole, and let it leak out, no one could even hear it (but that doesn’t mean they won’t smell it). Even if you have a lot of gas, you can still put a silencer on your farts by spreading your cheeks or manspreading on your seat, completely relaxing your butthole, and letting it leak out little by little.

But what if you want your farts to sound like a buzzsaw? We’ve got you covered on this front, too.

How to Make Your Farts Louder

To rip the world’s loudest fart and shatter Paul Hunn’s record, here are three steps you can take:

1. Build up as much gas as possible inside of your gut
2. Clench your butthole
3. Force your farts out

Certain foods can fuel your farts like beer and nicotine do with a frat bro:

• Foods with raffinose: beans, whole grains, asparagus, broccoli, Brussels sprouts, and cabbage
• Sulfur-rich foods: garlic, onions, and cruciferous vegetables like cauliflower and broccoli
• Sugar alcohols: xylitol, sorbitol, and erythritol
• Starches: corn, wheat, and potatoes
• Soluble fiber: beans, nuts, and fruit
• Insoluble fiber: root vegetables and wheat bran

You can also build up what’s called “exogenous air” in your gut by swallowing air when you eat, chew gum, drink through a straw, sip carbonated beverages, or smoke. It’d be ideal if you don’t choke on your food, drink 100 grams of sugar per day, or develop a nicotine addiction, but doing any of these things will help you fill up your gut with gas.

Next, hold in your farts until your belly feels like it’s about to burst. Then, tighten your butthole and force those bad boys out. Odds are, you’ll unleash an absolute tuba blast that breaks the sound barrier, which you and your dudes will inevitably talk about for the rest of eternity.

But you could also feel something warm and wet sitting at the bottom of your pants. And if that ever happens…

Beware of Sharts When Breaking the Record for World’s Loudest Fart

If you’re gunning for the Guinness World Record for the world’s loudest fart, you may accidentally poop your pants. In the event of a shart attack, strap yourself with plenty of DUDE Wipes to make a clean getaway. You’ll thank us later.